JustJottings

The Citroen Cometh

Change

Now the last hot flush of Summer has cooled and normal service has been resumed on the weather front, I see through my window on the world that Autumn has arrived, heralding change.  No, not the end of Summer but rather the preparation for all things new - the clearing out and planning stage.  Yes, the roses have faded and dropped but the berriers are growing, promising nourishment for creatures without the comfort of central heating and chocolate. 

Trust - Do You?

What was the first thought to enter your mind as you read that single word, trust, which is short in length but huge in meaning?  Did memories of secure, uplifting relationships spring to mind or was it the anger of betrayal which still has a place, smouldering quietly in your psyche?

The precious trust of babies, children and animals shows in the way their eyes shine, gently informing they are believers in all that is good; may they forever remain untouched by disappointment.

And what of trust that the Universe has our backs, that all is for a reason, absurd though that may currently seem?  A different level and type of trust, maybe, but one which gathers momentum and importance for me as time rushes by volante.

It was this trust which created a vortex within, compelling me to take action and rush to Bimini in the Bahamas during my time away from you.  The wonder of the experience changed my default settings forever.   You may be a little confused and I understand.  What on earth am I waffling about? 

In August 2010 an opportunity to swim with wild dolphins presented.  Problem 1: Departure date was just three weeks away.  Problem 2: Cash.  I felt a compulsion to go, I really did.  Justified it by telling myself it would be fantastic for Daughter (who has a passion for marine mammals) and Son (who loves adventure).  Having commited to going with every fibre of my being, the organisers whom I knew contacted me saying I only had to pay the minimum to cover outlay and the rest could follow as and when as they knew it would be a big stretch.  Dear, abundant Universe, never have you let me down. 

With departure just 21 days away, travel arrangements were problematic.  It was August and transatlantic flights were pretty much chocca.  The lady at Dial-a-Flight managed to find us seats to Dallas, Texas (which was going back on ourselves but, heck, I would have walked there).  From there we'd have to fly to Fort Lauderdale and then on to Bimini.  Guess what?  The dear and abundant Universe had arranged for just three seats to be remaining on the flight to Bimini, which was a propeller engined little affair.  Even Lisa, with all her experience of travel arrangements, was dumbfounded that exactly the right number of seats remained.  All this confirmed my inner belief that it was essential we went.

Far more challenging I thought would be locating fins and snorkel equipment in landlocked Gloucestershire.  Bimini is totally off the tourist map so it's difficult to buy a postcard there, let alone fins!  Guess what?  Teenagers and I rushed into our limited Debenhams to find 3 sets available, in the sale, in the right sizes.  How?  Returned from another store, can you believe?  Didn't even know they'd have such a thing.  Every now and again during this frentic pre-departure period the sensible self kicked in, asking what the hell I thought I was doing?  A couple of years ago, perhaps I would have caved in at this point but not now.

Fast forward behond our journey (eventful, as you might expect), to Bimini.  As our propellers whirred, carrying us over the beautiful island with the deepest blue seas and whitest sand I've seen, I couldn't believe we were about to land.  It was a tiny airport.  We were soon through and onto the waterboat to take us to the southern part of the island.  I could write a book on this so, to spare you, fast forward to Day Two when we went 12 miles out to sea to await the arrival of these beautiful, wild creatures.  The anticipation was almost choking me.  I hadn't swum in the deep ocean for over 30 years.  Anxiety underpinned the excitement; what if I couldn't haul myself on to the back of the boat?  No matter, all would be well, I trusted all would be well.

The overwhelming beauty of the experience for me would be that these wonderfully intelligent creatures, if they came, would have chosen to come to us, to swim and interact with us, to trust they would not be harmed.  What a special gift.  Their next meal didn't depend on performing for a crowd.  They are God's creatures, physically and spiritually free.  Then the call came, a pod was approaching.  Scramble, scramble ...

Rushing to the back of the small boat (which had a lookout tower) and in a state of excited panic, we tried to don aforementioned deep sea equipment.  Why won't they go on as easily as they did when tried on in the bedroom?  Admittedly, I may have appeared just a little foolish in flippers and snorkel while clothed in my pink patterned jamas.  I thought I had a certain dignity, actually.  It felt a  bit like a dream when so hard to do something and it just isn't happening as quickly as you'd like.  Deep breaths, calm yourself, try again.  A quick glance around showed everyone else in kit and ready to leap into the unknown.  FINALLY, that second flipper went on.

We jumped into the water which was so coolingly welcome after the burning sun.  Within less than a minute, spotted dolphins were swimming and spinning around us, diving with us as we went under water, coming so close they were looking us in the eye.  And then, a magic exploded all around.  Sound.  It hadn't occured to me that we'd hear their chatter.  Sonic sounds and calls echoed through the water.  I was in such a happy and spiritual place, words cannot describe it.  Then a moment of total and absolute trust was offered to me as a priceless gift.  One of the dolphins had a baby swimming with her.  Now, I was at the surface but looking down through my mask, just floating in a delicious moment of union, when it happened.  The mother looked and me from the depths for what seemed like ages but was probably just a second, and brought her baby up to me, swimming past me with the baby on my side.  It was as though she knew me, knew who I was, was somehow blended energetically with me and, above all, trusted me with her most precious gift, her young.  I knew now why I was so compelled to go on this trip, when all the odds were against it.

Son was swimming down deep into the dark blue and, Joe, the leader videod him spinning down and then up, with the dolphin exactly copying his movements.  Daughter was in ecstacy, too, I knew.  After two very serious upsets in the year, healing was taking place before my very eyes.

Trust.  Yes, this trip was all about trust.  Trust in myself that the intuition I felt to go was right, trust in the Universe to provide the means, trust that physically I could manage and, above all else maybe, being trusted by such beautiful, intelligent and spiritual creatures that we meant no harm.  Actually, they didn't have to trust, they knew.

Do we know so much more at a deeper level than we're willing to admit?  Can we set aside cerebral doubt and trust our innate knowing?  Why don't we?

PS - During the trip the organisers thanked me for going and taking my Teenagers because it made the trip viable and the other 8 fellow swimmers weren't deprived of this life enhancing experience.  Little did I know that I was receiving a nudge from somewhere to follow my intuition, trusting all was well, and in so doing ensuring this meeting of energies in the deep took place.  I remain utterly grateful for all that is. 

 

Lessons From Liverpool

Apart from everything else, I admit I've been fretting.  Daughter has gone to Liverpool Uni.  Drove her up on 18th September, collected her key and located her room, expecting one of the modern study bedrooms we'd seen at other campuses.  It felt like a stake through the heart.  Looked at Daughter's face.  She unwillingly released a tear which struggled to a chin that was almost on the floor.  I smiled brightly, thinking I'd covered my shock but it didn't quite reach the eyes.  A breeze block wall painted

It's 20 Months Since We Were Together

I can hardly believe twenty months have passed since I last told you I was back and shared the joy of romance at the bus stop - not mine, you may recall - but I bathed in the beauty of the moment for a while afterwards nonetheless. 

Here I am again and, I PROMISE, I'll demonstrate rather more staying power and stamina this time.  Well, that's not strictly true since I've actually been steeped in stamina for some time now as so much has happened to the Teenagers and The Mutleys since we last spoke.  Would you like a nosey into the good, the bad and the ugly in my life since the love-in at the bus shelter?  Here goes . . .

Silver Seduction In The Shelter Of Love . . .

Hey, I know I've been away for a while but I'm back now with something truly heartwarming to share with you. 

Early yesterday morning I was taking daughter to school (she STILL hasn't put in for her test, even though instructor says she's peaked and now developing the bad habits of the newly passed!) when we stopped at a T- junction.  On the opposite side of the road was a grass verge and hedge and, set slightly stage right, was a dirty glass bus shelter.  Nothing new there then, you may have decided.  What happened next will take your breath away, as it did daughter and I .  .  .

At Last, Word From The Dusty African Plain!

  Finally, today, just three days before Daughter's return, came news from the African plains.  Postal anticipation finally rewarded.  She's been gone since 7th July.  A strange feeling overwhelmed me as the coach left for Heathrow, loaded with young people full of anticipation and excitement which, in most cases, I suspected masked a certain nervousness about the challenges ahead.  It felt like that first day at school.  There was a sense that they'd be changed in subtle ways by the experience; more mature and independent, embarking upon

At Last, Word From The Dusty African Plain!

  Finally, today, just three days before Daughter's return, came news from the African plains.  Postal anticipation finally rewarded.  She's been gone since 7th July.  A strange feeling overwhelmed me as the coach left for Heathrow, loaded with young people full of anticipation and excitement which, in most cases, I suspected masked a certain nervousness about the challenges ahead.  It felt like that first day at school.  There was a sense that they'd be changed in subtle ways by the experience; more mature and independent, embarking upon

Paul And The Puddings!

 Tomorrow, I'll be firmly under this man's gaze from 9am - 6pm and am feeling a little buzz of excitement about it.  Have been in dialogue with Paul's man-on-the-ground, Matthew, and picked up all sorts of background info.  (I know I said 'man' but, in reality, Matthew sounded about 12!)  I've also spoken to Vicky in the entourage, who seems to be in a permanent start of delirious happiness . . . is this the 'Paul effect', or is it a case that half the dose would do?  Sorry, that sounded SO uncharitable, I expect she's just a 'glass three-quarters full' kind of girl.  In a nothing ventured, nothing gained moment, I've done something with which daughter is seriously unimpressed . . .

Atomic Fusion And Unrelated Matter!

Who's the lucky one?  Not me!  Listened to the finer points of atomic fusion in the car this morning - Chemistry AS today, you see!  Things do seem to have moved on since I was forced to learn the Periodic Table by rote.  But it works, you know!  Son thought he'd catch me out the other day by asking me the symbols for certain substances.  Blow me down, the info was retrieved from the furthest recesses of my brain and the CORRECT answers shot from my mouth with the speed and accuracy of Robin Hood's bow!  Have to admit basking in a moment's inner glow as